Embrace Yourself

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October 7th, 2019

Boston, Massachusetts

Off Camera

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Everyone has their secrets; dark secrets.  And that isn’t necessarily to say that just because those secrets are dark that they are sinister.  No, these are just secrets that they are embarrassed of; secrets that they would humiliate them if they ever got out into the public.  Jessica Lasiewicz likes to put on a strong front for the public.  She likes to pretend nothing phases her; not one iota.  Her justification is that nothing SHOULD bother her.  After all, everyone knows the dark secrets of both of her famous families.  Even the sinister secrets of the Jones and Lasiewicz families are known the world over.  There truly is nothing to hide, so why not pretend that nothing is wrong?  This is why The Archangel puts on the facade of strength.  It is merely a show for the people.

The truth of the matter for Jessica Lasiewicz is that she truly is bothered by at least one of the dark secrets from her family’s past.  It is something that is well known and yet it still troubles her.  You see, Jessica’s family has had a history of mental issues.

Most of the mental issues stem from her mother’s side of the family, for it is the matriarch of the Jones family, Angelica Jones, who spent time in a mental ward for the shooting death of Sean Williams, father of Jessica’s half-sister Kimberly.  And it is the aforementioned Kimberly Williams who also spent time in a mental ward for the kidnapping of Jessica’s half-sister Marie Jones.  Jessica herself almost fell victim to that same fate of having to spend time in a mental ward but, thanks in large part to an assistance from an old friend, she was able to escape.

Still, the threat of potentially being committed to what most would deem ‘the loony bin’ looms large like a dark cloud over the head of The Archangel Jessica Lasiewicz.  It is for this reason that Jessica has always avoided psychiatrists and psychologists.  She wants to tackle her problems herself, because she knows she is strong enough to defeat her problems on her own.  And yet she is often reminded that even the strongest of individuals needs help sometimes.  And The Archangel definitely needs help…

...she needs help finding herself.

Who is Jessica Lasiewicz?  This is a question that has been plaguing the mind of The Archangel for years, though the torment of the mystery has gotten worse in recent months.  With the fear of committal always looming large over Jessica, seeing a psychiatrist about this is a big step but it is a risk she is willing to take so long as the psychiatrist she sees is the right person.

This is what brings Jessica into the comfortable office of Dr. Jennifer Warren, a well known psychiatrist with her own practice in Boston, Massachusetts.  The Archangel is quite familiar with Dr. Warren.  If she has to see a psychiatrist to deal with her current issues, then she will see the one she feels she can trust.

“I am pleasantly surprised to see you drop in so unexpectedly, Ms. Lasiewicz…” Dr. Warren, dressed in a smart dark green pencil skirt, black patent leather high heel pumps, and a silk white button up blouse, says with a warm friendly grin on her face “...or is it Jones?”

Jessica sighs deeply.  The session hasn’t even officially started and already she feels uncomfortable.  Having to ask whether she is going by Jones or Lasiewicz is just further evidence of the identity crisis she is going through.  The Archangel is not dressed as “fabulous” as she typically is; lying back on a plush red sofa wearing denim jeans, black boots, and a black t-shirt.  Her long red hair hangs unrestrained to below her shoulders.

“Lasiewicz.”

“Right, just checking.”

“I know, I know,” Lasiewicz remarks as she nods her head frustratingly “I have gone back and forth between Jones and Lasiewicz so many damn times it makes your head spin.  I was Jessica Lasiewicz, then Jessica Jones, then Jessica Lasiewicz again, then Corey Jones…” she rolls her eyes “...wish I could forget that one, and now I am Jessica Lasiewicz again.”

“Quite a few name changes.” Dr. Warren observes. “More so than most people, I would say.”

“Obviously.” Jessica states stoically.  The psychiatrist tilts her head to one side, studying Jessica for a few moments as she comes to her first conclusion.

“Are you experiencing an identity crisis?”

“How astute of you, doctor.” Lasiewicz remarks, nodding her head. “I am experiencing an identity crisis.  I’ve been experiencing one for years.”

“Years?” Warren raises her brow in some surprise. “Why are you just now coming to see me about this?”

“Because I wanted to defeat this on my own!” Jessica shouts, sitting up and staring a hole through Dr. Warren. “I want to do things on my own and I definitely do not want to think I need the help of a psychiatrist…”

Lasiewicz drops back down onto the sofa and shakes her head “...I don’t need your kind of help.”

“And yet you are here.” Warren remarks. “It doesn’t take someone with a psychiatry degree like me to figure out why, either.”

“Then enlighten me, doctor.  Why am I here?”

“You realize that you cannot tackle this problem on your own.” Warren observes. “But you feel you can only trust one psychiatrist in this entire world…”

“Right again.” The Archangel smirks. “You are good at what you do, doctor.  Very good.”

“Well it is obvious.  Your mother spent time committed by a judge to a mental hospital, so was your half-sister Kimberly, and both are still afraid of potentially going back.  Even Marie fears it.  It stands to reason that you would more than likely have that same fear.” Jennifer Warren reaches out with her right hand, offering it to Jessica. “But you can trust me, Jessica.  Your family and I go way back.”

Lasiewicz takes the doctor’s hand.  “All the way back to Global Division of Wrestling.”

“That’s right,” Warren nods her head “GDW was the first to hire me to work as part of their staff psychiatry team.  I got to know your family quite well.  I am thankful for the role your family played in helping to get me to where I am today.  I would do anything for you and your family.  Anything.”

“You mean that?” The usually stoic woman’s features soften as she stares across at Dr. Warren.

“Of course.  You will not get committed to any mental hospital.  In fact, this entire session and any future sessions you need from me can be entire off the record.”

“I appreciate that, doctor.” The Archangel remarks with a nod of her head.  “You have no idea how much this means to me.”

“Anything for a member of the Jones and Lasiewicz families.” Warren remarks before reaching over to her desk, taking a pen and notepad, and preparing to take notes.  The doctor turns back to face Lasiewicz and smiles warmly. “Now then, you describe this as an identity crisis, but as unusual as changing your name as many times as you have is, I wouldn’t call that a crisis.  So I imagine there are other details I need to know.  So please, go into more detail about this identity crisis of yours?”

“Three for three,” Jessica begins, sounding somewhat impressed with the psychiatrist and her observations “you really are good.  You’re right though, there is more to it than some name changes.  Ultimately it boils down to me not knowing who I am.”

The Archangel sighs deeply. “You should know most of this story by now because my problems started with GDW.  Hell, you were there backstage so you know this story.”

“I imagine I do.” Dr. Warren agrees with a nod of her head.

“When I made my professional wrestling debut I idolized my father and wanted to be just like him.  I mimicked him in every way imaginable.  My dislike for the way my mother did business at the time made it easier for me to justify molding myself as the second coming of “The Gambit” Andreas Lasiewicz.  And that is how I presented myself for the early portion of my career.”

“What changed?” Dr. Warren asks.

“Summer Collins came along.  We teamed up in GCW after GDW closed down.  I saw nothing wrong with teaming alongside Summer.  My father had many team alliances from The REC to The Godfathers of Wrestling.  Summer and I were on a whirlwind ride as a team until we ran into Neil Newman and Kyle Butler.”

“Kyle is your husband, correct?”

“Yes but at the time he and Newman both were preaching a male chauvinist, male dominant message and it pissed both Summer and myself off.  Perhaps we let our emotions get the better of us?  Perhaps we were just too cocky and arrogant?  Or maybe it was a combination of both?  Whatever it was, we stupidly agreed to a career versus career match.  The careers of the losers would be determined by the winners.  We lost and Neil and Kyle forced Summer and I to be their cheerleaders valets, claiming that was the only true role for a woman in wrestling.”

“I cannot imagine that felt too good.” Dr. Warren remarks.  “Care to tell me how that made you feel?”

“It was a kick to the gut at first.  I felt I let my family down but as time went on I began to like my new job.” Jessica smirks. “I never told Summer.  She hated it from start to finish but me?  I liked it.  I liked it because it gave me something I never knew I wanted; an identity apart from just being the daughter of Andreas Lasiewicz or just being the daughter of Angelica Jones.”

“So you liked it?” Warren asks for confirmation.  Jessica nods her head.

“I did like it.  I mean, I didn’t like having to serve Neil and Kyle but I got to thinking if I ever got out of that deal then I could still be a cheerleader.  Cheerleader Jessica, a completely different identity from anything ever produced by the Jones or Lasiewicz families.  In fact, I even DID wrestle as that identity for a brief period in SCW.”

“How well was that run?” Dr. Warren asks.

“Not good.  I mean, I was accepted well enough by the fans but I didn’t win matches and wins do matter to some degree in this profession.  So I haven’t wrestled as Cheerleader Jessica again since.”

“Tell me how you and Summer escaped the contract between you and Neil Newman?”

“Right,” Jessica nods her head “well, Summer was losing her will to fight back and me...well you already know my view on it...but then we were encouraged to fight back by Loretta Inglewood.  She is currently performing in SCW today and her mission is the same; Purity.  We took her advice and fought back and reclaimed our freedom from Newman in a match.  But that wasn’t the end of our run with Inglewood.  Loretta gave me a purpose, a motivation to want to fight that was different from either of my families.  Instead of trying to rack up achievement after achievement or some special noteworthy prize, I could fight for the purity of the sport.  This is how I became The Archangel.  Anything and everything I saw as impure to the traditions of this sport I fought against it.  Sometimes it endeared me to the fans and other times not so much.  But I didn’t care because I knew the real heroes were not always cheered.”

“This is true.  What is right and pure is not always what is popular.” Dr. Warren points out.

“I kept that identity for a long time until I took things too far…” Jessica’s voice trails off.  She is unable or unwilling to continue so Warren presses her for more information.

“What do you mean?  Explain, please.” She asks.  Jessica sighs.

“People began to look up to me as a model for what pure and right is within wrestling.  I realized they would do anything I said and I let that go to my head.  I declared myself a goddess of purity and started what amounts to a cult surrounding me.  I became what I loathed the most; a monster.  And monsters are not pure…” her voice trails off again.  Tears form in her eyes. 

“It’s ok, Jessica.  We all make mistakes.”

“This one damn near got me committed into an insane asylum!” Lasiewicz shouts. “My so-called ‘followers’ tried to commit me but luckily my friend Summer was there to pull some strings and bail me out.” The Archangel chuckles. “It pays to have rich friends and Summer is filthy freaking rich.”

“What happened next?”

“Next Summer and I decided to work together again.  We were at our best when we were together as friends but it was Summer’s idea to use the name and identity of Fabulous.  We were...ARE...gorgeous, powerful, women who everyone wishes they could have but no one can.  You can look but you can’t touch.  And everyone in wrestling would get defeated by our Fabulous reign.”

“And that also created identity number four.” Dr. Warren points out.  Jessica nods her head.

“Correct.  And therein lies my problem, doctor,” Jessica sits up and stares at Dr. Warren with tear filled eyes “I do not know which one is the real me.  I do not know which one I WANT to be.  Can you help me?”

“I believe so.” Dr. Warren puts her pen and notepad down on the desk.  “Tell me what is important to you.”

“What do you mean?” Lasiewicz asks curiously.

“You said earlier that championships and achievements and the accolades are not as important to you as they are to your family.  If that is the case then what is important to you?”

“I just want to do good.” Lasiewicz answers pointedly. “I want to do good.  Winning the tag team titles with Summer in GCW recently wasn’t just about proving how great we are and shoving it in everyone’s face.  It was about introducing good tag team wrestling back into the sport and being good role models, good figureheads for the GCW tag team division.  Even my participation in the God of Wrestling Tournament is about me fighting for the traditions of wrestling.  Win, lose, or draw I want to go to sleep at night knowing that I at least tried to give the fans an idea of what the pure traditions of wrestling are all about.  I just want to do good.  That damn sure isn’t my mother, who wants to win as many titles and accolades as humanly possible.  I’m not even sure it is my father.  I do this not for the sake of my ego.  I just want to do good for the sake of doing good.”

Jennifer Warren smiles at her patient. “And you can do all of that without having to choose any particular identity.”

“Wait, I’m confused now…” Jessica shakes her head “...what are you talking about?”

“Your Archangel identity is the essence of your mission; doing good for the sake of doing good.  But there is no rule saying you have to withhold good things from yourself, such as the accolades your family seeks or even the beauty of Fabulous.  And there is no rule saying that you cannot have fun and enjoy yourself while doing good, and the fun loving enjoyment aspect of yourself is the cheerleader.  The truth is, Jessica, that all of those identities make up the ONE TRUE Jessica Lasiewicz.  You should not pick one and discard the others, you should learn how to embrace all four and then, only then, will you begin to feel whole.”

“I never thought of it like that, doctor.” Jessica says with a smile forming on her face and wiping tears from her eyes.  Dr. Warren finds some tissue on her desk and hands Lasiewicz a tissue.

“Your heart is in the right place, Jessica.  Now it is a matter of getting your head in the right place.  You have really been making this entirely too hard on yourself.  Let go and just do good, and enjoy it.”

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On Camera

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It is pitch black currently as the camera starts to roll.  In just a sudden instance the lights come back on and we see an empty arena and a wrestling ring set up in the center.  Soon this place will be surrounded by thousands upon thousands of screaming fans but now it is empty and silent.  The lights suddenly go off and a few moments later a spotlight, one only, comes on shining down in the center of the wrestling ring and what we see is “The Archangel” Jessica Lasiewicz standing there in the center.  She is wearing an ankle length black skirt, black high heeled boots, and a white silk button up blouse.  The Archangel also sports a long black trenchcoat.

“Round one of the God of Wrestling Tournament has come and gone.  What you all bore witness to was Lyza Reyes and myself fighting tooth and nail, not out of enmity for one another, not for some ego trip or bragging rights, but instead we fought to show the world what wrestling is all about. We fought for the pure traditions of this sport that both of us love.” Lasiewicz points at the camera. “Reyes, you earned my respect, you fought your heart out, you gave it everything you had, but unfortunately lady luck was not smiling upon you that night.  You got caught and I just happened to have an ace up my sleeve.”

Jessica produces an ace of spades from her trenchcoat.  She tosses it at the camera. “One day we can do this again.  It would be my pleasure to face you anytime and anywhere.  But now I must focus on the next stage in my quest, the next challenge in my mission to win this tournament and become Goddess of Wrestling.  And that challenge may very well be the most challenging task of this tournament.  For I am no longer facing an outside, someone labeled as an ‘indy’ wrestler.  Instead I face the most recent winner of the God of Wrestling Tournament.  I face Shilo Valiant.”

“Though Shilo should know and understand that this is going to be very different for him as well.  He isn’t facing D’Nae Moore, someone who only just recently made her debut in Global Championship Wrestling.  And that is not a knock on Ms. Moore by any means.  She is a hell of a talent.  But this time Shilo faces someone who knows what it is like to stand atop the mountain as the heavyweight champion of the world.”

“I am not going to be intimidated by the aurora of Shilo Valiant.  So what if you’re a former God of Wrestling Tournament winner?  So what if you’ve won everything there is to win in SCW?  I’ve won my fair share of accomplishments and accolades as well and I could bore the holy hell out of everyone by listing them one by damn one.” The Archangel shakes her head. “But I won’t, because ultimately at the end of the day one’s list of accomplishments and awards mean nothing when the bell rings.  Between the bells and between these ropes what you did in the past means NOTHING!  All that matters is what you can do right NOW!”

“Do you want to know another reason I am not intimidated by you?  I am not intimidated by you because I know what the hell I bring to the table and I know it is enough to take the likes of you to hell and back and walk out unscathed.  I know my skills are second to none and that is not arrogance or ego speaking, that is just pure fact because I was trained by the best.  I have gotten inside the ring with and beaten the best.  I am not intimidated by you because I KNOW WHO I AM!  I am The Archangel!  I am the one who will strike you down!”

Lasiewicz stares coldly into the camera. “And right now people like you are the reason why I compete in this tournament.  Entertainment value, cheap thrills, games, the tricks, all of which are pointless and pathetic reasons to be in this sport.  This sport is a competition to see who is the best within these ropes and within this wrestling ring.  Period.  End of story.  And that is what this God of Wrestling Tournament is supposed to do; it is supposed to bring together the absolute best of the best from all corners of professional wrestling, pit them against one another in a tournament, and see who is the best.  Mind games and chicanery should have nothing to do with it.”

“But as I told Lyza Reyes, lady luck does play a role in this wonderful sport of ours.  It played a role as I managed to catch Lyza off guard and eliminate her.  Lady luck has now dealt you a bad hand by placing me across the ring against you as your next opponent.  My mission is to purge your ass from this tournament, Shilo; but regardless of the outcome...win, lose, or draw...I will make you work for this.  I will make you fucking earn this next spot in a damn fight and not through any fun and games, because the games have officially ended and I have come to play.  Come and place your bets, Shilo…”

The lights suddenly shut off again. “Dobranoc…”